New Year's Resolutions Old and New

   I meant well.  As any New Year's Resolutionist means well.  I dubbed this the Year of Brave with the best of intentions.  I ordered books, messaged with accountability partners, wrote out verses and even followed a 365 Fear Not facebook page.  However, about a fourth of the way through the year I realized that the 365 Bible verses about fear was a bit of a stretch.  Don't get me wrong, there are quite a few but some just addressed fear in a different context, such as "the fear of the Lord".  On top of that, I'd say I experienced some of the most paralyzing, illogical, unexplainable times of fear that I have ever felt in my entire life.  Not necessarily on nights when we'd given his Moses his interferon treatment and then packed a bag just in case we needed to rush him to the hospital later.  Not waiting in a doctor's office for the results of Moses' PET scan.  No.  My greatest moments of fear hit after the storm so I felt like a big, fat fear-fighting failure.
   There were times of braver, though.  Times when knowing I'd put this out there-this year of fearlessness-pushed me to do things I normally would not.  I started selling Thirty-One bags, even though the thought of it had always terrified me-you know, the math, the possibility of accidentally mis-typing someone's monogram or showing up at an acquaintance's house to tell her friends why they needed a big storage tote but instead worrying that they thought my scarf or my earrings looked dumb.  But I did it!  I do the adding of the numbers and the ordering of the bags without accidentally typing "Harry" for "Harriet" or anything.
    I also picked out black cabinets and a red china hutch.  And red shoes.  I've always been more of a brown or a navy kind of girl but the closer I get to forty the more I care about what I like and less about what facebook world or pinterest thinks.  Brave, right?

   In July I even did something no one would've believed.  I put on a snorkel mask, and climbed into a cold cage dangling out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean surrounded by sharks, so close I could've reached out and pet them.  Except it was against the rules and I would've never done that anyway because I need both of my arms.
    But, maybe what took the most courage this year was recognizing my fear had become too big of a problem for me to handle on my own.  I finally had to admit that what I had experienced was something much more serious than just a controllable emotion of "feeling afraid" but rather had also become a physical problem that could cause all kinds of damage if I didn't bring it under control.  Migraines, inflammation, high blood pressure, exhaustion, heart palpitation's and more.  One of the hardest things I did was stop proudly wearing the mask of "Look at all I can deal with" and get help dealing with it. I hope by writing this it helps you share your road with someone you can trust.

   I've put some thinking into what I want to attempt this next year.  I want to finally divide my boys' rooms into one room for sleeping and one room for playing.  I want to eat more real food and less stuff from the middle section of the grocery store.  I want to be better at thoughtfulness.  But, most importantly I want to soak in the story of God, from beginning to end.
    Recently, while helping my parents move I spotted a book that caught my interest on their shelf.  "The Story:  The Bible as One Continuing Story of God and His People".  I've never succeeded at the reading the Bible in a Year goals I've set.  I hit Leviticus and Bam...I forget what I was doing.  But this looked like something I could handle.  So, I stuck it on one of my Christmas exchange lists and my sister-in-law Sarah bought it for me so I knew then it was meant to be.  It was like God was saying, "Are you just going to think about this or are you going to be about this?  Here's the book..."
    I am sharing this not to boast but because once I've put it out there I'm more likely to stick to it.  Just like climbing in that scary shark cage.  But, also, I'd LOVE companionship in this.  Would anyone like to join me?  I plan on setting up a facebook discussion group for anyone else interested.  And, for those who live close I hope to set up a once a month dinner party or coffee and scone kind of gathering so we can talk about the story and how it's shaping us.  Let me know if you're interested and we'll get started on this adventure together in 2016!