I started MOPS seven years ago as one of the founding members. That very first year three of us mommies, plus two steering team members and two mentor moms usually fit around just one table. I know how discouraging that must have felt at times for those in leadership, putting all those beautiful tables, tasty meals, speakers, service projects and crafts together for just three ladies on a good day. But, selfishly I must admit that it fit me just right that year. I'd just come off of a tough summer and was in a difficult season of life. I had just had a miscarriage about a month prior and still felt pretty low. As a pretty new mom with just my two year old I still fit in this awkward "figuring it out" stage of motherhood. Could I be a good mom and still a good friend or really anything else? And, speaking of friends, one of my best buddies was stranded in L.A. after her sweet daughter Penny got very sick on a vacation and needed a heart transplant as soon as possible. Not only did I hurt for her as a friend and a fellow mom, but I missed her. She was that go-to friend who I could count on to ditch naptime and go to the zoo or out for ice cream instead. I felt lonely. But, during that season, MOPS really filled a hole for me.
Have you seen that show, "Joan of Arcadia"? That's okay. Not a lot of people did. That's why it got cancelled. Anyway, in this show, which I happened to binge watch about this time, a high school girl got these message from God every episode. He showed up in the form of some unexpected character every week-a janitor from her school, a customer at the bookstore she worked in. I quickly began jokingly referring to MOPS as my Joan of Arcadia. Every single week without fail our guest speakers, from the life coach to the garden lady always showed up with a message straight from God to my heart.
One thing interesting I noticed about MOPS is how it affected my relationships with the women already in my life.
The many friends who I already knew that have attended MOPS over the past seven years- Stacey, Rachel, Emma, Brenda, Jina, Christine, Elisabeth, Alex and Tonya! Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love all the new friendships I've made. But, MOPS added a dimension to my friendships that could not have happened otherwise. Prior to MOPS, as a mother of a young child, my social interactions usually happened on play dates. Play dates are great. They allow our kids to learn to share and we get to do life together. But, it's hard to connect on a deep, spiritual level when you only get three words at a time in before someone has to run across the playground to pull a bug or a rock out of someones mouth? By design, MOPS allows for those deeper friendships. They provide a safe, fairly neutral environment where we're encouraged to share and be vulnerable. Being exposed to a much larger pool of mothering styles I realized it wasn't a matter of who's doing this right, but that there could be a whole bunch of right answers. Those moms I had know and always felt that they must have it together in ways that I did not would show up to this safe place in tears because their three year old did not want to listen and put her shoes on. And I'd say, "I am so sorry, sweet sister, but GLORY HALLELUJAH I AM NOT ALONE!" One day, while answering the follow up questions from a speaker we'd had, Jina and I realized we both shared a struggle that we had no idea anyone else there had. Here we'd known each other several years, spent tons of time together and had no idea. It led to a drastically different friendship. We met for dinners together, prayed together, checked up on each other. I can't see that kind of connection happening while pulling rocks out of two-year-old's mouths at the playground.
Having been in MOPS seven years I've of course seen a number of ups and downs both in my own life and in the life of our group. We've had amazing growth. Our little group of seven ladies huddled around one table would have never dreamt of the expansive ministry we have today. I've met wonderful friends, given birth to my Moses, and seen and done some fantastic things within those seven years. But there's been a lot of hard times too. Soon after sweet Jina's daughter received her heart transplant and Jina started attending MOPS her own heart condition finally took Jina from us. That same year I had a second miscarriage. But this time I found out our baby's heart had stopped beating at my 16 week ultrasound. So, I'd announced it on facebook and in MOPS, I'd seen ultrasound pictures and started planning. I went through a very dark six months. I really didn't recognize how depressed I felt until I started feeling better though. Just when things had been looking up for a little while, my son, Moses, was diagnosed with stage 3 Melanoma. We went through a busy, frightening year with lots of surgeries and a drawn out treatment. God really carried me through that time and I just ran with it. But, by the end, I felt like I'd been running on a treadmill and someone had just slammed the off button and I went flying and fell on my face. I went through a pretty debilitating time of "unwell".
I have to admit these things made coming to MOPS hard sometimes. I didn't always want to be there. Attending after Jina died just reminded me that she was supposed to be there. And, making new friendships and building new memories took a lot of work. And MOPS can be a very hard place after a baby loss. It's natural to have conversations about labor and delivery, breastfeeding and OB appointments in a room full of moms. But those wounds were just so raw still. However, I'm so thankful that I felt God telling me over and over that the problem wasn't with MOPS or with my friends there. Satan was the problem. The enemy likes to find us when we're weak and separate us from the heard. He knows our faith fizzles when we're isolated. So, most days, I proudly put on my big girl pants and went, knowing it was a slap in the face to my enemy.
Looking back I realize that MOPS was actually instrumental in getting me through some of those tough times. When Moses was diagnosed, those mommies surrounded me in prayer, sent cards, gifts and meals. They even helped raise funds to get me to Texas where I met other melanoma families. Baby loss connected me to the many, many other mothers of angels around me. There's a sisterhood when you go through a ditch like that. And, when I hit that wall at the end of Moses' cancer treatment, reaching out for help was the most humbling thing I've ever done. But, because o
f the vulnerability created by MOPS I knew others who'd been there. It tore away the shame and gave me other ladies who could talk me through the bad days. I first of all want to thank everyone who has made our MOPS group possible over the years. The steering team, the MOPS directors...what you do is important and it makes a difference. It's worth all that hard work. Also, I want to encourage anyone who is in that place or may find themselves in that place where coming is HARD. The only one who doesn't want you there is Satan. You belong there and you are welcome and you are loved.
 |
| One of my favorite pictures of Melissa and Mo on a MOPS playdate. |
No comments:
Post a Comment